Every year around this time I have the same wardrobe crisis. Yes, like most white people in South Africa I don’t have an outfit for Heritage Day. If I’m honest, even if I had a little Voortrekker get-up to throw on, I doubt I would wear it. My husband can slip into a kilt, but standing in front of the braai in woven wool might not be the best way to spend the day either. My Anglo-Saxon friends all tend to just wear Springbok shirts on the day, as they are more South African than English (and just like the Scottish, I’m sure the idea of spending national Braai Day in tweed, cloaks and capes does not appeal to them either).
I admit I am extremely jealous of the Indian outfits some of my friends wear. Wrapping glorious fabric around yourself to hide the winter fat should be my culture! And then all different Black tribes that can show their beautiful beadwork, flamboyant hats, bold fabrics and interesting jewelry make me feel even more sorry for my lack of “heritage” fashion apparel. I really think we should get some options for the paler people here in Africa. But I suppose, if I can complain about something so insignificant, my life here in the rainbow nation cannot be too bad right?
I look at all the people we get to meet here and whose heritages enrich our own lives so much. Getting to know people from all over the world is a privilege, but when you meet them in a vulnerable state, like we do at our lodges, it adds another layer of depth. It is overwhelmingly clear that what binds us together amounts to infinitely more than what divides us. Whether we speak French, isiZulu or Hindi, our families and loved ones always come first. At the moment, I have a wonderful patient who is here all the way from Kinshasa to have hernia surgery in SA. She was so impressed with our care that she arranged for her younger brother, who has cancer, to cross borders and stay with us too. It is financially taxing, but what else is there if we don’t have our people and our health?
A while ago we had a chemo patient from Côte d’Ivoire. We were quite excited as we’ve never looked after anyone from the Ivory Coast before (and of course, Eddie, our French speaking carer, loves it when people of his tribe stay with us). On the very same day, this patient’s nephew also came to stay here after a trauma surgery. It was the weirdest co-incidence, and no one was more surprised than the uncle and nephew themselves.
We really have people from all over the world, especially when it comes to elective procedures. South Africa, with our weak currency and exceptional medical care offers the perfect go-to solution for anything from a BBL (Brazilian butt lift), to gastric bypasses, to face-lifts and joint replacements and many neuro-surgeries. People also flock here for second opinions and investigations.
No matter where they come from, I find people are essentially all very similar. I think we all know Abraham Maslow’s explanations of human needs from the very basic to self-actualisation, but from what we see here during recovery and palliative care, I prefer another view from the self-determination theory. Ryan and Deci argue that in order for a human to thrive, three basic psychological needs need to be met: autonomy (the ability to make your own choices), competence (feeling effective and capable) and relatedness (connection to others). Whether people are educated, respected professionals, or humble gardeners, when they lie here in a bed, they pretty much all want autonomy around simple things, like what time they have to wake up or what they eat, and in more serious life changing matters, like whether or not to continue with invasive treatments. Competence is not always easy to offer a bedbound patient with no control of their bodily functions, and that is where dignity comes in. Having a carer you know and trust makes such a difference. Adjusting your own expectations to celebrate different, smaller goals is also critical. Relatedness is probably the most important of all the aspects, and that is why we encourage video calls and outings, and why we do not have set visiting hours.
As much as people are the same, we do differ hugely when it comes to food, even just among our own South Africans! Poor chef Dylan often gets the strangest requests. This week, a lady who was here after a weight loss surgery requested food to aid her in this struggle. She told us that she is not a rabbit and does not want any salads or vegetables. Another lady, who recovering from liposuction and a bingo-wing-tuck, said that she does not want white food. We were not sure whether this referred to the race or the colour, but quickly learned that her favourite way to start the day was two glasses of pitch black, sugar-loaded Coca Cola. We’ve had vegans with a nut allergy on a high protein diet, people on a kosher diet who only eat organic food, and many black patients want pap and meat at least twice a day. For Nigerians we have to keep in mind that they like to mix different meat and fish in the same dish. Our Indian guests need much more spice than we usually use and our Ghanian guests get handfuls of chillis in every single meal. For the English we stick to black pudding (to the staff’s horror) and Americans like their food processed, fried and containing as little nutrients as possible.
Braai day will always remind me that even if I don’t have an outfit to celebrate my roots, I get to witness first hand, the diversity of our eclectic nation. From kilts to curries to dombolo to doek to potjie to pap, each tradition is a thread in the fabric of the humanity we share. In the end, what we wear only forms a tiny part of who we are. What matters is the way we care for one another, show up for one another, accept one another and find the connection despite our differences. This, in the end, is the heritage I want to pass on.