For some reason, which escapes me completely, I am busy organising our 35-year school reunion. I disliked high school intensely, with the same veracity Trump dislikes the Woke and Julius Malema dislikes the colonists. I hated just about everything about high school and never thought I’d be involved with the school ever again. Yet, here I am, for the THIRD time nogal, organising a reunion. Maybe I am doing it so I can prove my Standard 6 teacher wrong, who told me I am a “zero on a contract”.
Over the past months, as old acquaintances have reconnected, I am constantly amazed by the ways life has shaped us all. The once-shy nerd now runs a thriving IT business. The former rugby studs, now mostly bald and sporting beer bellies, remain as confident as ever in their suburban routines. The quiet wallflower now dominates our WhatsApp group, voicing her opinions with self-assurance. There are those who finally stepped out of the closet, some who have become vegan, others who are now on TV, and a few still living with their parents.
What surprises me most, is how old friends continue to share their love of irony and humour, as if no time has passed at all. I feel deeply saddened by those who died young and are missing from our group. More shocking however, are those we once believed would change the world – those who always seemed to have it all together – but now find themselves in jobs they dislike, facing failed marriages or strained relationships with their children.
When I look at the profile photos of my school friends, I realise I have aged too, and it made me reflect on the things I now know and wish I could tell my rebellious 18 year old self. Let me share some of what I have learnt in this business over the past years with you:
- Once you are over forty, you don’t belong on a ladder. Get someone else to step-up (yes, pun intended).
- Walking your dogs is actually quite dangerous. Every year we have patients who come to us with horrendous injuries they sustain walking their mutts.
- Breathe out. We all have tummies, and no one is looking anyway.
- People often fall in bathrooms. Consider not locking yourself in.
- Always pay your medical aid. Just do.
- Ask for help. You are not supposed to live this life without your tribe.
- Whatsapp groups are exceptionally dangerous! Be careful what you say and to whom.
- Don’t run in plakkies (flip-flops).
- Nothing good ever happens after midnight. Go to bed.
- If you want a second opinion, get one. A doctor’s ego can get over it. You might not survive it.
- Always take someone with you when you see a specialist. If you can’t, record the conversation for future reference.
- Don’t assume a doctor will tell you the truth. Ask the hard questions and make them give you an answer.
- Make sure your health proxy likes you. Make sure you have a written advance health directive. Make sure people know where it is.
- Unless you want to ensure orthopedic surgeons make more money don’t go to trampoline parks.
- Use sunscreen.
- Always take the stairs rather than the lifts.
- If you buy cheap – you buy twice. Rather buy less, and good quality. Fast fashion is killing just about everything.
- In the end, all that really matters is relationships. Your new iPhone or Landrover won’t show up when you need someone to hold your hand.
- No story ever ended well that started with “ I told them to hold my beer,” but a story is usually quite boring when it starts with “I ordered a lactose free salad.” Find your funny story somewhere in the middle.
- Later in life we talk about poop a lot. Look after your gut. Go for your check-ups.
- Eat fibre. (Yes, read number 19 again).
- If you like abbreviations like DIY you will probably end up in ANE (Accidents and Emergency )
- No one should stand on an office chair – ever.
- Any sport or activity that requires adrenaline should not be aided by alcohol.
- All roads do not lead to Rome. We all find happiness in different spaces.
- Variety is the spice of life. Travel, have friends from different cultures, and try the strange street food on the corner.
- You never regret getting up to exercise.
- Life is ridiculously fragile. Every moment is precious.
- Don’t let work define who you are. Also not sport, or your marriage or being a parent. You are more than just one thing.
- Life is both brutal and beautiful and it happens simultaneously.
- There is no karma, the wheel does not turn, life is not fair. I see young mothers with their lives ahead of them pass away from revolting diseases. I often see old nasty bigots make full recoveries to continue their lives belittling their wives, smoking and drinking. It is horribly unfair and we have to make our peace with that.
- The best moments in life come unexpectedly and can be found in the underwhelming mundane moments.
- I have found that the people who have touched and healed me most are the ones that have learnt compassion through suffering.
- We find comfort in belonging, love, and community. You’ll find grace in empathy and connection. Invest in people, not in things.
- Not only people who bear scars, chemo baldness, or cortisone puffiness are ill. There are silent ailments everywhere. Everyone needs you to be kind.
- We don’t all have the same purpose — we find meaning through relationships, creativity, curiosity, and the things we love. Our purpose will lead to connection, service, and joy. You cannot do this alone.
- Boundaries are important and it is your job to keep them intact. Don’t be bullied or manipulated.
- Be brave enough to be vulnerable and to be authentic.
- Healing and curing is not the same thing.
- Independence is precious. Buttoning up your own pyjama top or brushing your own teeth is something many people can no longer do.
- In the end, dignity is everything. Make sure there is someone who will advocate this for you.
- Good deaths are possible. They requires honesty and courage.
- There is a lot of mystery in life. If a religion or a person sells you an absolute truth, ask questions.
- You don’t need to have it all figured out. Just show up.
- Grief never leaves, it just changes shape.
- Look up from your phone. Be present.
- Don’t judge a book by its cover. The kindest people I know have nose rings and tattoos.
- Forgive quickly.
- One day, someone will speak your name for the last time. Until then, live so that when they remember you, they’ll smile.
- Say the things that matter while you can — “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “I’m proud of you.” “I forgive you” Silence is often the one regret we can’t fix
I’m looking forward to the reunion, Over the past 35 years we’ve not learned algebra or history, but life has taught us other lessons: don’t balance on ladders, phone your dad while you still can, don’t offend the PTA on a WhatsApp group… The curriculum has changed, and so have the teachers, but the lessons matter more to me now. And I wonder if that is not what this reunion is really about to me: being able to sit with friends from long ago and be grateful for what we have survived and laughing about all the many things we still have not figured out.