Today I feel a heaviness because of all the strange contrasts that fill our lives right now. I am sure the American election, which has brought so much division in the world, has only exacerbated these emotions, but it is more than that. Over the weekend at Zazen, we...
This week we went to a friend’s mom’s funeral. Few of us really knew her. To be very honest, my friend’s childhood was particularly hard and we’ve not heard great things about his mom, but there we all were, in our funeral get-ups, toasting a woman we hardly knew....
Well done for reading through last week’s blog that had no juicy gossip, drama or scandals, but was just filled with statistics, facts and quotes. Yes, yawn, I know, but we can agree it was important, right? Sorry to disappoint you again, but just to be upfront,...
If you do not know that it is breast cancer awareness month, you must be lucky enough to live off the grid in a perfect bubble somewhere on a mountain, breathing fresh air and making your own vegan cheese from almonds. October always bursts out in pink, from ribbons...
Yesterday was the usual blue Monday… the one when you wake up wishing your weekend were longer or that you actually rested. I was busy and kept thinking that I was forgetting something. I was busy with my usual list of Monday-madness and then spent a large chunk of...
I often feel like I’m an extra in someone else’s movie. I’m that person who stands in the background and watches the main actors go through the heartaches, twists and turns, surprises and joys as the plot unfolds. Over the past two months, we’ve been part of a...
This week’s blog started writing itself on Monday while I sat in a Methodist church listening to a eulogy. It was delivered by the daughter of Althea Preiss. You might know her as Daphne, as for the past 28 months, I often wrote about her using a pseudonym. Not only...
I always say, our day here is not complete if we did not cry and laugh at least once. But there’s something else we seem to do on the daily… talk about guilt. It is an emotion almost all of our patients and their loved ones share in some form or another. It...
In our profession, we have the absolute privilege – as well as the terrible curse – of being witness to so many goodbyes. People think we get used to it, but the truth is, we really don’t, and I think, as soon as we do, if we lose the awe of entering into...
Humans are funny things, or maybe it is just this generation, but it seems to me that we are totally outcomes-based. We tend to focus entirely on the final results without considering the process. I see it all the time in my line of work, particularly with people who...
Dear Reader I’m sorry. I have full blown blog-fatigue. I came back to work after a glorious holiday and although I absolutely love what I do, I would still rather be able to sleep late, drink Prosecco at lunch and walk around on the pavements of Berlin while people...
I am a pastor in the Rivonia area near Hospitality Lodges and have the privilege of sometimes being invited to come and pray for guests there. When I first started out in the ministry, nothing scared me more than hospital visits or praying for sick people, but...
I have a new friend called Lizette. We are very different and, at the same time,very similar. She is young , a brunette, quiet, dainty, loves dogs and adores kingfishers. I am middle-aged, blond, loud, not dainty at all, love cats and can hardly tell the difference...
My daughter is exceptionally lucky (yes, apart from the fact that I am her mom) and is doing a surgical rotation with one of the best orthopaedic surgeons in the country. She is absolutely blossoming under his teaching and comes home with all sorts of stories ( which...
“Don’t fall of your chair! Today I am writing a blog that is totally relevant, has no connection to my personal life and includes no complaining about staff, patients, guests or the ANC. In this blog, I will not be sharing any opinions, or even try and be...
So it is official. I have man flu. I have man flu worse than any man has ever had it. The doctor says it is the Adenovirus, but this diagnosis is clearly wrong, as it ignored my main symptoms, which are patheticness, gross impatience and extremely embarrassing...
There are some moments in our lives that just stick with us. One of mine was on a Spring afternoon in 2006. Abigail had just finished breastfeeding and was fast asleep on my chest. Emily, at that stage two and a half, lay curled up in my arm. I could smell Abby’s...
This week, I found myself having coffee with a young man on a random Thursday afternoon. He is the type of guy that makes heads turn because of his classic beauty, soulful eyes, shampoo-add-hair, lovely build and easy smile. Okay, that’s the end of the blog. I just...
I don’t think that I am alone in saying that this year, just like 30 years ago, I am filled with hope. Standing in the queues waiting to cast my vote, chatting to fellow compatriots in our lovely winter sun, confirmed what I have always known: I belong here. This...
I recently asked a doctor if she was going to a patient’s funeral. She shook her head and told me “I don’t do after-sale services.” I burst out laughing! I love how humour can carry us through so much sadness. Her statement was scandalously funny, but also got me...
Okay, so this week I am a total and utter under-achiver when it comes to blogs and social media. But I think I have a valid excuse. Both lodges are 100% full, it is hectic here. And then on top of it all my leading ladies are either off, on leave, overseas or sick. So...
I have a very bad habit, and I’m sure I am not the only one. I save people’s contact details on my phone, not properly by name and surname, but in a way that will help me remember who they are. For instance: Monique Tatum’s mom, Ken the church guy, Peter Plumber,...
People often say to me, “What you do must be so hard?” and of course, I agree wholeheartedly, playing the victim in the hopes that they will buy me a bottle of bubbly or a nice houseplant. What I do is hard, but the things most people think are hard are really not...
If you follow us on social media, you would have seen that one of our patients has been with us for two years. You would also have seen that all the evidence, scans, tests and results showed that she had between one and five days to live when she came to us, yet, here...
I love how life cuts you down to size just when you least expect it. On Saturday a few of us went for our Saturday stroll-walk-hike-group therapy-kuier. This week we walked the Braamfonteinspruit and met about 500m from where I spent the first six months of my life in...
I could fill a library with stories about people I have worked with. Some narratives are hilarious, some infuriating, some downright heartbreaking and others will serve as a cautionary tale and keep you out of jail, hospital or the morgue, I suppose. But this is not...
As I was driving to fetch an Angolan patient from Medi-Clinic Morningside today, I had a bit of a pity party. How is it that 27 years after I started this business, I am still just a glorified driver? Should I not by now have fleets of cars and drivers, and while we...
My paternal grandfather was an exceptional gardener. He had a huge property in a suburb in Johannesburg named Linden where he had fruit orchards, vineyards, rose gardens and vegetable gardens. He even had a room in the house dedicated to plants. I showed absolutely no...
Today I sat down for the first time at 14:30! I felt very sorry for myself after spending the entire morning gardening like some Gardening-guru with a Youtube channel. When I finally sat down, it was to chat to Dr Jes. She looked very sleek and glamourous in her...
If you are an average, run-of-the-mill person, you are probably not going to want to read this blog. Research suggests that 8 out of 10 people don’t want to talk about this topic at all because they have a genuine fear about it. This blog is about death. But...
I asked my good old (well, actually not so old) friend, ChatGPT, what the most common questions are about respite care. It cleverly spat out the ten that I list below in seconds. And so, keeping this blog short and sweet as, I know everyone is hooking up trailers,...
Over the past few weeks, I have had it on my heart to chat to people about timing. On almost a daily basis I hear loved ones of our patients ask: “Why did we not come sooner?” I feel more and more strongly that it’s time to educate people about palliative...
Yesterday I finally received a much-anticipated book. It has the wonderful title, Have a beautiful terrible day, by Kate Bowler. Our lives here at both the Hospitality lodges are indeed beautiful and brutal every day, but the joy always outweighs the awful. I...
It is safe to say that I know a good funeral when I go to one. I have been to some memorials in club houses that were better than most of my family’s weddings. I’ve fallen asleep in a Greek Orthodox funeral after the priest kept singing strangely haunting songs. I...
On Tuesday morning I kept watching the little pathway leading up to the dining room. I knew that at any moment, Mr and Mrs Desai would be walking towards me, ready to have breakfast. Mr and Mrs Desai started coming to us in 1999 when they brought the, now-late, Mr and...
In this past week the word “family” has taken on some very interesting meanings for me. I’m lucky because I come from a huge family scattered across the globe. The majority of us are the “usual suspects”… all a bit odd but no-one ever made it into the “Scope”...
My life is a constant misunderstanding due to auto-correct, my very Afrikaansness, some of our patients’ inability to communicate verbally and the fact that almost none of my staff speak English as a first language. This week was no different and resulted in many...
When you’re in the business of caring for the sick and dying, you may tend to think that you’ll see a lot of heartache, trauma and tragedy. I find that mostly, we get to see the beauty in people, but that doesn’t stop me from being surprised at how truly...
It is late Friday afternoon and I just came back from the IDT (inter-disciplinary team) meeting. This is our new tradition, where we all gather: carers, doctors, nurses, social worker and all involved in Zazen and the Lodge, to be together and connect. I didn’t quite...
There is an old saying: may your bad luck last as long as your new year’s resolutions. I don’t believe in luck and if I stuck to my new year’s resolutions, ever, I would have been fluent in isiZulu by now. I would have read all the classics, would have played...
Every year around December we drive through the Karoo, and once we cross over the Orange river I do two things. Firstly, something happens in my brain and I need to listen to Afrikaans music to my poor family’s utter disgust. It is as if the sight of the big skies and...
Earlier this week I got an email from Dr Papagapiou’s practice manager. Harry Papagapiou is a young, hip and happening orthopedic surgeon who has many female patients, probably because women tend to break bones more often than men in their old age, and I suspect,...
Yesterday we had “Gratitude Sunday” at our church and of course, it was Thanksgiving in the States on Thursday. (Let me just say, I am grateful to not live in the States right now and will celebrate that every day, not just on the fourth Thursday every November!) It...
So, it is me and the Google-gods again. Apparently, in order to appease them, you need to sacrifice a huge amount of time and hard-earned cash and just about throw a young maiden off a clifftop to make them happy. I have been instructed by the powerful people who have...
There’s a silly saying used by GenZ’s a lot: “Denial is a river in Egypt.” I think it’s funny because they are perhaps denying the concept of denial… either way, we can’t get around the fact that denial is very real. We see it frequently in our line of work....
Nelson Mandela said, “ What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.” I saw this quote on Friday when I attended a conference with some...
We are building a new website and changing our SEO strategy, so I was forced to try and put what we do into concise, unemotional keywords that will excite Google and other search engines. This is much harder than I thought it would be. It feels like I am trying to...
So, the new thing lately on all the techno-savvy platforms is Q&A pages. (There are so many new things lately – padel, frisby golf, working-from-home and I believe you can even have a replacement knee made of gold as it lasts three times longer than...
This weekend I had the absolute privilege of walking along the cliff paths in Hermanus and experiencing the only place in the world where one can do land-based whale watching. As I walked in a group on the edge of the cliffs with people I love, I was flooded by the...
There is an Afrikaans show called “Getroud met rugby”. In English it is “Married to rugby”. I have never watched it but it kind of feels like the whole country is somehow in this state of mind at the moment. We are all sporting our green and gold, Googling what hair...
A while ago a young woman in her early twenties arrived at reception and started speaking to my staff. I could immediately tell that this wasn’t an ordinary enquiry and stepped out of my office to meet this lady with such distress in her voice. I was not sure what had...
As I am typing this blog, I am in bed with a man who is not my husband. (No, dear Reader, this is not just a cheap stunt in order for you to keep clicking through to my blog so it can boost my organic traffic, this is totally true). I’ve taken off my shoes and am...
Spoiler alert… if you’ve not read or watched Frankenstein yet, stop reading now or forever hold your peace. Mary Shelley’s brilliant novel, Frankenstein, is an absolute work of art. No one can deny this, but I love that even 207 years after it was written, you...
I was having a cup of coffee just now, enjoying the quiet after sunrise and listening to the carers quietly getting bathing trolleys ready and making tea for our special people. My eye caught the security camera screens and I watched our guest from the DRC open his...
Today I am writing about a topic about which you might think I have no experience, but please can I just enlighten you, dear Reader, that I have, through no desire of my own, had plenty! I do not generalise (in general) but eight times out of ten my interactions with...
My day started with an irate phone call from a guest who called from OR Tambo in a wild panic. He had an early flight back home after he spent two months with us while he was getting a fancy prothesis fitted, as his leg was amputated some time ago. Mr Patrick lives on...
I have been on a glorious week of leave at the coast and have no fresh stories. I was far too relaxed to think of anything profound to write in this blog, so today I want to tell a story from way back. My granddad, Oupa Maarten, used to say he was going to fetch the...
Okay, so on a scale from one to ten, this blog’s sadness level is around six. So, if you need to, go into your closet and put on your big girl panties. (If you are already in the closet, please come out? I can assure you the right people love you anyway). I am...
I had a phone call this evening. I love texting, I love e-mails, whatsapps and even old fashioned letters. Goodness, I’ll even send a fax… but I battle with phone calls. I take them. I make them, but out of necessity rather than choice. They do not blow my hair back....
We recently looked after a wealthy American and when she left, she generously tipped the staff that looked after her. Now, you can imagine, with the exchange rate sitting at R20 to the USD, it was not difficult for this Yank to be extravagant. The patient had a...
Over the past months I have really battled with my right knee. I don’t have the vocabulary to express what the pain feels like, apart from that things do not feel like they fit properly, like a poorly packed suitcase or badly built puzzle, but no one knows why my knee...
I am a horrific driver. It is like “Driving-miss-Daisy” meets Checkers-Sixty-60-scooter-on-tik when I’m behind a wheel. Add to that a good dose of anxiety and a spectacular lack of direction and you get a horror show with a license, which really should not be allowed...
We have the most special 95 year old neuro-patient with us. He was on his way to the office when, like Zimbabweans would say, he was attacked by a stroke. He is busy making a lightning-fast recovery and plans to go back to an incredible business he built up. On...
If our week does not have a few belly laughs, and at least one ugly cry, we are totally lost. We have become quite used to what the trendy people now call “an emotionally expensive career”. I am not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing, but I know it keeps...
I love a happy ending! Hallmark and Disney have left their mark on me and I now suffer from an unrealistic need to always want a happy ending, regardless of the facts and reality of the odds. I love that the princess falls in love with the prince and that they live...
Yesterday I was showing a very well-dressed Asian woman and her son around the lodge. She was groomed, educated and terribly glamorous. This was around 11:30 in the morning. After they left, Storm came into my office and looked at my not-so well-dressed and much less...
In the last week, two people told me that they can’t read our blog anymore as it makes them too sad, but I am convinced that as humans, we have the complex capacity to carry both joy and sorrow at the same time. Therefore, I apologise in advance that this is again...
We have a palliative patient, Rose, who has recently come to terms with the fact that she will never get better or leave her room. To make this transition easier for her, we decided to install a beautiful big shelf in her room on which she can put all the...
Do you also have weeks when you sit back and think, “Really? Is this my life or is this like an extended Leon Shuster movie?” This week a Scottish acquaintance made an interesting statement about me. She said that in many previous lives I was a healer and I...
There are some stories in your life that you love telling, and this is definitely going to be one of those for me. Last year, around April, I got a call from a distraught daughter (let’s call her Cathy). She recently lost her beloved dad to cancer and was still...
So, my shrink went to Iran for six weeks, and by default, I have not been debriefed in a while. Therefore, brace yourselves for an unpacking about people who have annoyed me over the past few weeks and a blog that is going to be more like the Jerry Springer show than...
There is this really cool story in the Bible in the Old Testament. The mighty prophet Elijah had a full-on melt-down and threw himself on the desert floor under a tree and dramatically wailed out in anguish that he wanted to die. One would think he was above these...
Thanatology? You ask, dear Reader. It is a real thing, I promise. My accountant accuses me very often of being creative, but I did not just make that up. If you don’t believe me, this is what the Oxford dictionary says: thanatology (noun) – the...
Dear Reader, I have gone above and beyond to research this blog. In fact, I am so impressed with my own commitment that I expect a small choir of angles to descend upon me at any moment and congratulate my devotion to this lodge. I have undergone surgery...
Are you also being bombarded with memes and clips about the how different people from different generations act in certain circumstances? Some of these clips are hilarious because they hit the nail right on the head and are absolutely true. I love how the Gen X...
Last week I received a phone call that has given me so much hope and excited me so much I had to write a blog about it. A well-known and very respected intensivist (sexy word for ICU doctor or specialist physician – let’s call her Dr Desai for the...
When my best friend was at varsity they had an assignment to write their own eulogy. This sounded terribly morose to us as 19-year-olds but now in retrospect, I think the professor was rather wise. It made us realise that we need to live our lives so that we can make...
In Anne Lamott’s book Bird by Bird she says; “Dying people can teach us this most directly. Often the attributes that define them drop away—the hair, the shape, the skills, the cleverness. And then it turns out that the packaging is not who that person has really been...
My very dear friend, Deline, and I often jokingly wonder whether people know about all the “ad hoc” things one does when you run a business (or in her case a church and a business). People don’t realize that a huge amount of your time is absorbed by frivolous things...
A recovery lodge that is truly holistic and patient-centred +27(0) 11 807 5060 | lodge@sunninghillrecoverylodge.co.za +27(0) 11 807 5060 | lodge@sunninghillrecoverylodge.co.za Last week a beloved and popular DJ, Mark Pilgrim, passed away after sharing, bravely...
On Friday night I chatted to a good friend of mine who says she has only one friend who is not a blonde. Why does she only have blonde friends? We suggest that maybe she prefers her cronies intellectually challenged? (I can make blonde jokes okay?) Or is this simply...
Just after my dad died, I started writing a blog about mourning. I did not finish it – I suppose I was too busy coping with the overwhelming grief so that putting it in to words was simply not doable. This is the start I made: Jesus said in Matthew 5:4 “Blessed...
In a recent staff meeting we discussed “Who are we?” (Yes, I listen to leadership podcasts and then subject the long suffering staff to my little exercises). We all had to come up with reasons the business exists. I loved to hear how one entity could mean so many...
I’m actually not sure whether I am delighted or full-blown terrified. This morning I had a meeting discussing fascinating things like balance sheets, income statements, budgets and age analysis (can you hear the sarcasm?). In the meeting is a young man I’ve known...
Great things are done by a series of small things brought together… I’m literally sitting with a patient in her double bed as I’m writing this week’s blog. Rose has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and on top of that, she is fighting a nasty...
I am not a bunny hugger at all. My dogs and cats know that if they just dare cough near me, they will be whisked off to the vet and put down in a heartbeat. Of course, I am joking. I would donate my own kidney to my majestic cat, Smith, if he needs it. We have...
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed,” Ernest Hemmingway apparently said. I feel like that today as my heart is split wide open and it seems that just having tears to show for all this grief is not quite sufficient. As a...
It was our great privilege and honour to care for Dave, Louise’s husband towards the end of last year. Here is a bit of her story, in her own words… On 13 August 2022, my husband, a super fit, healthy man with zero symptoms (who still cycled for three weeks in Sweden...
My best friend and her husband are both academics in Vienna and between them have more degrees than the average thermostat. Apart from their PhD’s they also speak a variety of languages (ancient and modern, I will have you know). When I am with them, they sometimes...
Google review is a marvellous thing, and serves such an important purpose, but I admit that I miss the old-fashioned paper questionnaires that only the proprietor would see and could dispose of fairly quickly if necessary. I often post the good reviews and testimonies...
Dear Andrew Thank you for trusting us with your mom’s last days before she slips away. I can see how hard it is for you and your sisters. We see your tear-streaked cheeks when you leave her room, but at the same time I hear you guys laugh. I see you and your sisters...
New year’s resolutions… the things we decide we should do but know we realistically probably won’t do and then feel guilty about not doing. A resolution is not a bad thing, but I have found that daily resolutions are perhaps more helpful than...
We have a guest who, for reasons unknown to us, renames us all. Gift, who is his main carer, is called Ziggy. How this happened I have no idea. Gift does not even sound like Ziggy and in my mind a “Ziggy” is a short, plump, bald chap. Our Gift is tall, with ebony skin...
I spoke to a very clever PR woman recently. She told me I must put lots of testimonies on our blog. She said it will make people relate to us, trust us and understand what we do. But another wise woman, my mother, said that this is bragging. Boasting is a sin. So,...
We usually write our stories of courage after the battle has been fought; but today it feels like I am writing from the midst of a full blown war. Many battles have already been fought, but we also know there are many still ahead. A few weeks ago a mom came to see me....
I’ve been writing a lot about journeys lately. Today I want to write about the special journey I have shared with Dorcas in honour of our 22 years of working together this week. In 1999 I was visiting my outrageously flamboyant, larger than life fashion designer...
Our team recently had the privilege of walking alongside an inspirational man on his recovery journey. This special amputee came from west Africa to receive and have his above-knee prosthesis fitted. He was too traumatised to tell us much about the accident in which...
I would like to thank Ann-Magret and her amazing staff for a wonderful experience at Sunning hill recovery lodge. My father of 84 was in need of care as his primary caregiver, my mother, was unable to take care of him for a week. The professional and friendly staff at...
It is funny how life messes with you. I had my whole life planned out. Did everything I had to do. Finished school, went to the dreaded army, studied diligently and then worked extremely hard and made a lot of money. I ticked all the other boxes too, got the pretty...