Are you a morning news enthusiast like me? Do you check the American newspapers (with a mixture of trepidation, horror and tragic amusement) each morning to see what Trump has done while we were sleeping? I’m never quite sure what kind of world we will be waking up to. Maybe he started another war, tried to buy an entire country, insulted a royal, tried to build a massive wall or enticed an army of rednecks to attack the Capitol.
Trump once again lived up to his reputation of supreme male toxicity when, of all the ways he could choose to celebrate his birthday, he chose to host a UFC event. I suppose it is fitting for a man of his obvious lack of morals and character to display such violence and aggression in a world which really does not need more of it.
This will be the legacy Trump chooses. He will be remembered for the division he brought, unashamed misogynistic attempts on women’s bodies, his revolting racism, his blatant lies, limited proficiency in English, and of course, his orange hair.
Trump’s on-again-off-again bromance partner, Elon Musk’s choice of legacy, also intrigues me. He is the world’s first trillionaire. He is the first individual ever in human history with the power to effectively and permanently eradicate worldwide poverty. He is also the person who has made a choice not to do so.
I love the story of the guy who invented dynamite in the 1800s. Not only did his invention totally change the industrial world, but it also shaped the way we conduct war. This patent made him a huge amount of money, but he did not want this to be his only heritage. And so, Alfred Nobel made sure people would remember him by honouring others who changed the world for the better. His Nobel prizes include categories for Physics, Chemistry, Physiology and Medicine, Literature, Economic Science and of course, Trump’s very much coveted Peace prize.
What will people remember about you when you are gone?
We get a glimpse of the story people will leave behind here. Recently, we had a wealthy man, Stanley, with end-stage cancer at the Lodge. Upon his admission, we received a long list of people who were allowed to visit him, and an even longer list of those who were not. (Yes, in between keeping people alive, fed and comfortable, we now also have to check IDs like bouncers at a nightclub!). His mom and dad spent every minute with him. When I chatted to Stanley’s mother, I commented on their dedication to him. She shook her head and said that he did not speak to them for 15 years, and that they had only recently reconciled. After all the years of no contact, Stanley’s parents were not willing to waste a moment and camped by his bedside. Ironically, none of the other people on Stanley’s list who were welcome to visit (other than his parents) arrived throughout his time here. His only other visitor was a lawyer who came no fewer than four times to change his will because Stanley wrote people in and out of it as his resentments and regrets rose and fell.
Stanley went home and will probably return at a later stage when his illness progresses to the end-of-life. I wonder what he will do in his last months, which will impact the legacy he leaves behind. Will he try and reconcile with some people or continue this carnage of broken bonds?
Stanley’s visitors list made me think. Who would be on my list? Is there anyone I would not like to see? Is there anyone I would desperately need to see to offer forgiveness, or ask for it? Is there anyone I’d need to tell that I love them because they don’t know for sure? Maybe I will need to express my gratitude towards people who never knew I want to thank them?
We might not be leaving legacies like Nobel prizes, but every person whose life we touch writes a story of what we contributed to this world. Every grudge we feed, every postponed apology, every ignored message, every broken-down relationship to which we do not attend will remain after we depart. The things we will get to “one day” will remain unresolved. We have the ability now to rewrite what we will be remembered for. I hope we choose to make this world a safer and kinder place for others rather than striving to be trillionaires. Accepting and loving people for who they are might not change the world at once, but continuing acts of kindness and grace will never be wasted. In gentle ways, we can change the trajectory of our world.
I look at some of our staff and have so much respect for them. Leonard’s father walked out shortly after he was born, yet Leonard is making a daily decision to be the best dad ever, never missing a teacher-parent evening, showing up for all the important – and totally unimportant – events in his children’s lives, tucking them in each night and helping with homework. It is so easy to repeat the cycle, but we can stop generational trauma by changing the story we write with our lives… and then our children’s lives.
Where will you start?